Ruined Dreaming


   I went through the secret door, (I always knew it was there, I just hadn't been able to find it before) and climbed some rickety old stairs to the ancient room at the top.
   The room was draped in blue silk, much like a canopy over a bed. The silk was shredded from age, and everything in the room was very old.
   I knew this was here, and now I have confirmed it. I am elated. F/52:11.1.88
She found the room for all of us. She knew it was there but she had to climb rickety stairs to find it. Can you find yours? Let's meet there.
   A psychiatrist was walking around with me showing me an old abandoned house. Very cold and dark, there was a hole in the outside wall that a family of dogs were using to enter and exit.
   We went inside. The heater for the house was hot water, steam was coming out into the air. He said he needed to fix it or they would get emphysema. I noticed large icicles coming off their muzzles.
   We walked, saw a tower with people jumping off with parachutes, I have done that.
   We sat down with my son. The psychiatrist told me I was O.K. He asked my son how much he weighed, I told him less than 100 pounds. The psychiatrist then told us about his problems and insecurities. M/37:3.96
This four part silver dream is tempting to interpret, to analyze. But I think instead we might wonder about the dogs and their plight. If we are everything in our dreams then the dogs need warmth. The ''shrink" is vulnerable. Great! It's time to learn.
   I am in a rather dingy, damp space and know that it is a part of my home. I am talking with T.
   I see a spider and tear a piece of paper towel in two.
   That spider is now gone, but up at the top of a doorway is a collection of something, perhaps mold, and another bug or spider. As T. reaches up to clean it away, we see hidden in this darkness a tiny iridescent, delicate, multi-colored bird. Her wings are fluttering but she seems somewhat stuck.
   Although there is anxiousness in the wings, she is very beautiful and does not seem frantic in her attempts to escape. She gets somewhat loose, but still cannot get through the doorway even with T.'s help. F/43:10.13.95
This silver dream is a story about a dingy place called home which has mold and spiders on the doorway. Dream homes are metaphors for our Persona. But wait, in the darkness is an iridescent bird with anxiousness in her wings. What will it take for her to fly?
   I am trying to improve an old house that is not worth it. Lots of people and confusion -- no help. Many toilets. All running over. I spread some sticky goop over the floor and dump shells on that for a cobbled effect; but they turn into leaches and cockroaches and go into the walls.
   I leave knowing nothing works and am next walking along the highway into town. A little lost girl is with me and I pick her up and carry her a ways, talking quietly about the fact she knows I cannot carry her far.
   When I put her down a derelict old woman wants to harm her and I get her away from the old woman. I very much wish to push the old woman down but know I would be arrested for that.
   We walk on and I ponder where to take the orphaned little girl. F/46:8.15.93
When a house is in ruins it is not worth fixing. She walks away from her old house and out onto the highway. She meets the lost girl, can carry her for only a little ways and encounters the derelict old woman who wishes her harm. What would you do with the orphan? And how about the crone? At least we know this woman can no longer go back to her old home.


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